Brother My Brother
by eatenalivebyboredom
Summary: Tamaki Suoh was just a boy trying to repair the damage left by a broken family. Yuukou de Grantaine didn't want Tamaki to see those scattered puzzle pieces he had left behind when he left. Now Yuukou is moving to Japan and Tamaki is ready to jump right back into the relationship they had three years before. But Yuukou isn't ready to let him in so easily. Trigger warning inside.
1. Chapter One

**a/n: **Hey guys, I'm back! After a long hiatus, I'm made my way back to ffn with the rewrite of an old story. I changed it from present to past tense and from first-person to third-person point of view.

I'd like to make a note that this story takes place a little less than a year after the end of the anime. I'd like to add that both Mori and Honey are in college, but still play a major role in the plot of this. Yuu will be a first-year with Yasuchika and Satoshi (for plot purposes). I just wanted to explain those differences from the original.

This fanfiction is crossposted on Wattpad.

**disclaimer: **I do not own _Ouran High School Host Club_ or any of the _OHSHC_ characters, anime or manga. **All credits to their _right__ful _owner.** Although I do have rightful ownership to Yuukou de Grantaine, a few minor OCs mentioned, unless stated otherwise. I also own the plot, idea, and setting for this fanfiction.

**trigger warning: **This fanfiction deals with possible triggers such as _depression, anxiety, panic attacks_, and _post-self-harm actions/thoughts_. **Please _proceed with caution._**

* * *

_After his mother's death, Yuukou de Grantaine is forced to move to Japan and live with his older brother, Tamaki Suoh. A lot has changed in the three years since the two had last seen each other, although Tamaki seems to be oblivious to that fact and jumps right back into the relationship they once had. But Yuukou isn't exactly willing to let his brother see the disgrace he believes he's become, so everything is bottled up once again. _

_But with the help of some new friends, and a few possible love interests too, maybe he can put the pieces back together and finally let Tamaki see the completed puzzle he was hiding for so long._

* * *

**Chapter One | The Thing About Time**

_28 September 2007_

Everything about the rain was calming; the soft _pitter-patter _sound it made as it landed on anything in its path, the oceans of puddles it created on the ground, the races each droplet would have down the windowpane, it was just relaxing.

Or at least it would have been relaxing if the tension between them wasn't so thick it could be sliced with a knife.

One teen's forehead leaned against the cooling glass of the window as an attempt to calm himself; the only thing blocking his skin from the glass was the trapped, thin curtain of bangs.

In his entire life, he'd never ridden in a limo, let alone even thought of being in one. But there he was, leaving the Bunkyo airport, sitting next to his older brother, who he hadn't seen since he was twelve.

The last three years for him had been quite a handful of an adventure, on the downside, so he wondered, had things been okay for his brother? Was he doing alright? How had their father and grandmother been treating him?

Irritation flooded his mind with thoughts of his father. The man was nothing more than someone who had left them behind when they were young, even though he came back long enough to claim his brother in his teen years.

Forgiving him was the last thing on his mind.

"Ya know, Yuukou—" He had been in Japan so long, he had developed a pretty thick accent. "—you've changed a lot since I last saw you." The words echoed through the back end of the limo, interrupting their silence.

His eyes met almost identical violet irises—one had a slightly more blueish hue than the other—as a signal for him to continue. "You look completely different; 've'really grown. And you're acting completely different, too."

Was this conversation going anywhere, Yuukou wasn't sure, so he just shrugged in response.

"And what happened to your beautiful blond hair?" Slender fingers reached for a strand of longish dark hair, only to stop when his hand is slapped away.

"I dyed it." Yuukou shook his head to allow his bangs to fall over his eyes, a tactic he used often to avoid eye contact. "Blond is such a boring color."

"Boring?!" the elder half questioned, half exclaimed over-dramatically as if his beliefs had just been insulted, or something like that. "How can blond be boring?! My hair is blond, and I like it just fine!"

"I don't, Tamaki." He said it in a stern voice, silencing the other.

Yuukou rested his hands in his lap, moving his head from the window to leaning against the back of the seat, closing his eyes and releasing a long sigh.

He could've avoided the whole social situation and taken out his headphones to ignore the world for the realm of music, but unfortunately, they recently broke, and he'd yet to get a new pair.

Music had been an escape of his for as long as he could remember. His mother was a brilliant pianist and taught both everything she knew. Yuukou had even picked up some skills of his own in different types of instruments—such as the cello, guitar, drums, and even the violin—over the years.

He kind of wondered what his brother had done with his musical talent lately.

It didn't take long for the blond to speak again.

"Hey, Yuukou—"

"I prefer Yuu." He didn't realize he'd said the words until he was called the name he had asked for.

"Okay, Yuu—" Tamaki was cut off by the sound of his—or what was assumed his—phone going off. "Pardon me, Yuu."

Yuu shrugged, letting his hair fall over his eyes once more.

Tamaki answered the call. "Hello? Yes, Father, I have Yuukou with me. Yes, Father, he's doing well..."

The window became a pillow again as Yuu's gaze drifted the passing scenery. The rain had lightened slightly, but it didn't appear to be lifting any time soon as it continued to pour down from the darkened clouds.

There was no point in him bothering to pay any attention. After all, he could only hear one end of the conversation and he didn't care much to listen to the other end, even if he could. And it wasn't long before the call ended and Yuu's attention was pulled back to Tamaki.

"Father has an unexpected meeting and will not be able to join us for dinner," Tamaki explained with a frown etching its way on his lips.

Another shrug. It was a nasty habit.

Within a few minutes, the limo came to a slow stop. The driver stepped out and walked around to the door beside Tamaki, then opened it. "Tamaki-_sama_," he said with a bow.

Tamaki stepped out of the limo first, smiling at the driver. "Thank you."

"Yuukou-_sama_." Yuu's eyes met the driver's as he spoke. "_Sama_" was a formal honorific generally used in Japan to establish social status; he'd never been called something so _high-class_ before (that he could remember anyway). Before last week, he was considered, as Tamaki put it, a _commoner_.

The driver bows again, this time at the younger rather than the elder. "Glad you could join us."

It was a moment before Yuu stepped out of the limo, rushing after his brother, anxiety already brewing in the pit of his stomach.

"Welcome to your new home, _Frère_," Tamaki smiled, the Japanese accent he had made his French sound slightly off, but Yuu knew exactly what he meant.

Yuu didn't know what to say; the place was gigantic, much larger than the small house he shared with his mother back home.

Or what _was_ his home.

He remained quiet as they walked towards the estate; it was a beautiful place, it was, but a little _over-sized _than he preferred.

When the doors open, Yuu couldn't help but stare in awe. It was so much bigger on the inside than it appeared—and the outside was _huge_.

"Whoa..." The words slipped passed his lips before Yuu could even register he spoke.

"Welcome home, Tamaki-_sama_," a row of people he assumed worked for their father bowed. "Welcome home, Yuukou-_sama_."

"I'll show you around!" Tamaki exclaimed, taking hold of his younger brother's hand and nearly causing him to trip. He only barely saved himself from kissing the floor.

They went through many, _many_ rooms—including a home gym, a music room, and even an indoor pool. Currently, they were in Yuu's new room, as Tamaki had told him. His eyes wandered around the room. A king-sized bed smack in the middle of the room by the wall, bookshelves lining half of one wall to create a miniature library in the room, a couch in one corner, a large desk in the other, even a _fireplace _in the mix.

"Don't leave your mouth open so wide or you'll catch flies."

Yuu hadn't realized his mouth had slid open. "This is my _room_?!" he half-exclaimed, half-stated in awe.

"Um, yeah," the blond stated as if it were something obvious. "Now, let's start unpacking."

It was then that the dark-haired teen noticed the many boxes, guitar, and skateboard sitting in the corner. The two walked over to them—maybe five or six boxes total. Yuu opened one while Tamaki opened another. The box Yuu had chosen was full papers, notebooks, and posters he had picked up over the years (mainly various bands, but an anime one popped up here and there).

Emptying the box onto the desk, due to lack of thumbtacks (which he had to get soon), Yuu moved onto the box his brother was working on. It was full of mostly clothing. He reached into the box and pulled out a few graphic t-shirts.

"You sure do wear a lot of bracelets..." Tamaki broke the silence, staring down at Yuu's wrists. It wasn't a lie, he did indeed have many_, many_ bracelets on. "You like a lot of bands, huh?"

The bracelets were mostly band related, but there are a few anime and television-related ones.

"Yeah," he muttered under his breath.

Wearing them had several different meanings behind it; it hid quite a few secrets, and frankly, he felt exposed without their comfort.

The closet had a sliding door to it, and Yuu barely managed to open it with his foot, as his (and his brother's) hands were full at the moment.

Tamaki kept aiming for a conversation to hold. "You like a lot of bands, huh?" He repeated his question from earlier, probably unsure of what exactly to say. Yuu had to admit, that was true, so he shrugged, nodding.

They had finished with the clothing and there was only one box left. Yuu told Tamaki (not in the politest tone, but he tried his best) he didn't need any more help and, even though he complained, the blond left the room.

In the last box were a few books, some pens and pencils, and many framed pictures.

Those pictures were probably Yuu's most prized possessions; Most of them were of friends, and there are a few with his mother, but his favorite one had to be the one of Tamaki and himself from before he left. Tamaki was thirteen at the time—Yuu only eleven—and they were at a pond local to their home, feeding some ducks. It was a shared favored pastime they had. Before the picture was taken, Yuu had tripped and fallen into the pond, so Tamaki—not wanting his brother to feel embarrassed—"fell" into the pond a few moments after. They sat there laughing for the longest time and their mother ended up taking the picture to share the joy

A smile tugged at his lip.

It had been a long time since then.

And that's the thing about time, it changes everything it can get its grimy hands on.

* * *

**Translation: **_frére _(brother)

**_Teaser: Meeting Big Brother's friends? Hope Yuu can handle the attention..._**


	2. Chapter Two

**a/n: **warning, the f-bomb is dropped in the first sentence.

**disclaimer:** I do not own _Ouran High School Host Club_.

* * *

**Chapter Two | Home's Not Home**

_28 September 2007_

"What the fucking shit?"

Yuu's personal bathroom was nothing special, aside from the fact that it was _literally half _the square footage of his bedroom, had both an extremely over-sized shower and a bathtub the size of a large hot tub, a vanity big enough to have two full-sized sinks with more room than he could imagine, the most beautiful (and extremely expensive-looking) toilet he'd ever seen. There wasn't a spot in the room—no dust, grime, mildew, stains anywhere. It was the kind of bathroom that would make his clean-freak friend, Fletcher, proud.

"Fletch, you'd fucking love this place, dude..." He hadn't gotten over the initial awe of this being his bathroom.

The theme was gray, which was okay with him. Gray happened to be one of his favorite colors. The walls were a calming blue-gray and the tiled floor was darker, more like slate. The accenting items were a tarnished shade, not too dark to overpower anything, they were just the right hue to make everything flow. Even the towels were a dark gray.

There were a few boxes marked "bathroom" sitting on the floor beside the sink.

He started with the first box. Shampoo, conditioner, soap, sensitive skin body wash... all the simple bathroom supplies.

He moved onto the second box after putting everything in its new home. It was full of more random stuff, like the dirty clothes from the day before that he'd put in the box because it still had space in it and the pajama pants he'd slept in two nights before. He threw them in the laundry hamper, shrugging them off. There were a few items left in the box; some medicine bottles, a couple of other hygienic products, and a package of razors.

After everything was put away, Yuu walked over to the bathtub.

Unpacking everything could sure make a guy feel icky and sweaty. A relaxing bath did sound good at the moment.

He stripped off his graphic tee—only to remember he needed a change of clothes. Walking out to his bathroom, he headed back into the walk-in closet to grab a pair of sweatpants and a random t-shirt.

There was a knocking sound on his bedroom door. Yuu sighed. "Come in," he said in a dreaded tone.

Tamaki poked his head in, saying, "Just seeing how you're settling in." He opened the door fully, allowing his brother to see the sweats and t-shirt he was in. "You doing alright?" Yuu nodded and Tamaki continued. "Do you need anything?"

Thinking for a moment, he decided his room felt empty. After all, it was rather bland. "Can we go to the store tomorrow?" he asked.

A smile plastered on Tamaki's face almost instantly. "Shopping with_ mon frère cadet_?! Oh, I can't _wait_! We can go to the department store—it's a place where commoners go shopping and it's cheap! Can I bring _mes amies_? We can make a club activity out of it! Oh, you'll love everyone—!"

This! Guy! Liked! Exclamation! Marks!

"—The club is a great place! Oh! _Je sais! _You can join the club! It's lots of fun and can spend more time together that way—!"

Yuu shut the bathroom door on him, locking it quickly, and released a sigh he wasn't aware he was holding in.

Tamaki talked _a lot_; just as much as he remembered.

There was a knock on the bathroom door. "Oh, I came in here to tell you the dinner is in an hour!"

"Alright," Yuu called back.

When he thought the blond was gone, he undid his belt, allowing himself to strip out of his black skinny jeans and boxers and throw them into the hamper. He decided to take off his bracelets too, setting them on the vanity by one of the sinks.

Turning off the water so it didn't overflow, he stepped into the tub. The water felt just perfect; not too hot, not too cold. Just_ right_.

In there, he was able to relax. He always did find a shower or bath to be a safe place. Not a thing or person could hurt him in there. He was alone, just the way he liked it.

He stared up at the light gray ceiling. This place will forever be his haven.

He's safe here.

His eyes drifted to his bare wrists. What was once clean were now tattered and scarred.

God, why did he have to do that?

Why did he ever stoop so low as finding comfort from a blade?

The dark-haired teen shook the thoughts from his head. He was clean now, that's all that mattered. His mother would be proud.

That was only one of the things his bracelets hid.

He had made a stupid mistake when he was younger, and now he lived with the scars, literally.

The water started to feel cool, so he stepped out. He didn't know how long he was in there.

Quickly getting dressed and brushing his hair, he rested against the countertop of the sink and stared into the mirror. Violet-blue eyes gaze back at him through his reflection. They were dull, lacking the spark they once held brightly.

Sighing, he decided to head down to dinner.

* * *

_29 September 2007_

Social situations had _never_ been Yuu's thing, even as a child. He struggled to get along with others his age, and up until his brother left, he had practically followed him everywhere. Just the thought of being in situations involving other people was immensely terrifying.

"Okay, gentlemen, Haruhi, this is my younger brother, Yuukou," Tamaki introduced the dark-haired teen.

Yuu could only awkwardly wave at them. He couldn't help it; the whole situation was awkward to him. But he didn't want to disappoint Tamaki, so he had to push through it, no matter how terrifying it truly was.

The group included a tall, dark-haired teen who seemed even quieter than Yuu did, a short—really, _really_ short—blond boy who was actually, believe it or not, a first-year in college, a set of mischievous-looking auburn-haired twins, another dark-haired teen who was carrying a small black book with him, and a short, brown-haired girl dressed in knee-length shorts and a t-shirt.

Yuu looked down at his attire, it was different from everyone else's (mostly); they were all wearing fancier "rich kid" clothing, whereas he had on a red graphic tee, black skinny jeans, a pair of red beat up converses, and his very own trusty bracelets.

"Yuu, this is Kyouya, Haruhi, Hikaru, Kaoru, Mori-sempai, and Honey-sempai." Tamaki gestured to each respective person as he said their name.

"I didn't know you had a brother, Tama-chan," the smallest member there—Honey-sempai—said. "Yuu-chan this is Usa-chan." He held up a pink stuffed bunny and Yuu just stared at it in disbelief. He swore to heaven above it was blushing. "You wanna hold him?"

Before he had any time to object, he was holding a stuffed _pink_ bunny.

And he was mentally groaning.

"Aw~!" Honey-sempai sing-songed. "You look so cute, Yuu-chan~! Doesn't he look cute Takashi?"

"Yeah," the tallest one—Mori-sempai—said in a monotone.

He, for one, did _not_ find it cute.

Or at least that what he kept telling himself.

Yuu could feel his cheeks heat up massively.

"Hey, boss—" one of the twins started.

The other finished. "—Why have you never told us you had a brother."

Kyouya, the raven-haired teen with the book, said, "Yes, Tamaki, why have you never mentioned this to us before?"

"I just didn't know how to bring it up," the blond admitted.

Yuu could feel the tension forming between himself and his brother. He almost wanted to take a step away from him but decided that would have been very obvious and he didn't want the extra attention right then.

"I see," the only female present commented, "It must not have been easy to talk about him, being separated and all."

Violet-blue irises quickly found the ground. She was right. Yuu very rarely spoke about Tamaki after he had left France, the only exceptions being to his best friend (who had never met him, but heard all the stories Yuu would tell about him) and his ex-girlfriend. But now he was there with him, that was all that mattered.

_29 September 2007_

Yuu let himself fall back onto his bed with an exaggerated sigh. He was finally back after the afternoon of non-stop chatter and socialization, not to mention the constant questions about himself. He was put on the spot. _A lot_. And boy was he ready for a nap.

It was an _exhausting _day.

Tamaki had trekked off to his own room, thankfully. Yuu loved the guy, he really did, but sometimes he could be a little _too_ much.

He released another sigh (also exaggerated) and stared blankly up at the ceiling.

His walls were still empty, even though he had gotten everything he needed to fix that. He just hadn't done it yet.

A home's not home until it's made one. That's something his mother used to always say.

He didn't always listen when she would tell him those kinds of sayings, but he knew she would repeat them several times over.

Another sigh.

He might as well make this place home, after all, he was going to be living there for a long while.

* * *

**Translation: **_mon frére cadet _(my younger brother), _mes amies _(my friends), _Je sais! _(I know!)

**_Teaser:_ **_**First day at a new school? It seems like a bundle of anxiety actually...**_


	3. Chapter Three

**disclaimer: **I do not own _Ouran High School Host Club._

* * *

**Chapter Three | Ocean of Eyes**

_1 October 2007_

He didn't want to go to school.

He didn't want to go to school.

He _didn't_ want to go to school.

But there he was, standing in the doorway of class 1-A.

"Breathe, Yuu. You'll be fine." Tamaki had risked being late to his class to show Yuu to the classroom; the least he could do was _pretend_ it was easy. The elder of the two pulled the dark-haired teen into a tight hug. It didn't help his steadily rising anxiety, but for Tamaki's sake, he pretended it was calming. "Honey-sempai and Mori-sempai both have brothers in this class, so you won't entirely be alone," the blond added in what was meant to be a reassuring tone.

"Remember." The blond pulled away. "Right after school, meet me in Music Room Three."

Yuu shook his head in reply. "Yeah, whatever."

"Now go." He nudged the younger forward. "It'll be fine."

The dark-haired teen nodded. "Righ-right." He was beginning to stutter, his hand beginning to fidget with the hem of the periwinkle blazer to his school uniform—a uniform was new to him; his old school back in France didn't require one. He could feel his heartbeat speed up as his breath quickened slightly.

Not again.

The anxiety was still rising; he could feel it.

He could do this.

Taking a deep breath in through his nose, Yuu released a quick sigh. "Okay."

"Hey, Souh-sempai!" The sudden sound of a new voice yelling from down the hall. It wasn't long before Yuu could get a clear glance at him. He was fairly tall, approximately six feet. Standing next to Tamaki, they were about the same height. His hair was black and spiked all over the place and his deep onyx eyes held a grin prominently on his lips.

Tamaki acknowledged the newcomer before Yuu could even think of anything to say. "Hello, Satoshi-kun. Running a little late, I see."

"Just a little." The new teen—Satoshi, as Tamaki said—shrugged it off with a whole-hearted laugh. "Yasuchika left me behind today. So loyal of him, don't ya think?"

"That sounds like Chika," the blond chuckled.

Yuu didn't feel like joining the conversation. He didn't know this kid, even though Tamaki did. He couldn't help but avoid looking at him, feeling awkward and unsure of how to react to the newcomer. It wasn't until Satoshi said his name that Yuu felt obligated to meet his onyx gaze.

"You must be Sempai's brother. Yuukou-san, correct?" Curiosity shined bright in Satoshi's eyes. "Taka told me a thing or two about you, but he told me to play nice and look out for you since you're transferring into my class and all."

"Uh..." He couldn't think of anything to say. "Hi."

"Hi!" Satoshi beamed.

Yuu glanced at Tamaki, almost like a plea for help.

The blond didn't exactly notice as he introduced the two first years. "Yuu, this is Morinozuka Satoshi, Mori-sempai's little brother." He gestured towards the newcomer before doing the same with his brother. "Satoshi, this is Suoh Yuukou—"

Yuu cut the elder off. "de Grantaine."

Tamaki glanced at Yuu for a moment, caught off guard. He then smiled and said, "Sorry, Yuu."

The younger brother just shrugged. "Whatever."

"Pleasure to meet you, de Grantaine-san, or should I just call ya Yuukou-san?"

"Just Yuu s'fine."

There was an abrupt sound of a bell chiming through the halls, signaling class was beginning.

"Well, it looks like that's my cue to leave. I'll let you two get acquainted. See you after school, _Frère_." Tamaki turned walking down the first-year hallway before turning the corner and going out of sight.

"So," Yuu glanced at Satoshi as he spoke. "Y'ready for your first day at Ouran?"

"No."

The young Morinozuka laughed at his reply. "You're kinda funny, must get it from Suoh-sempai."

"I guess..." He stared down at his feet, kicking lightly at the tile and leaving a scuff mark from his shoe on the polish.

"Well, we're already late, but it takes a few moments before class _actually_ begins. Class Rep will begin roll-call soon, so we should go in before we're counted tardy."

"Sure..."

The spiky-haired teen took the other's hand, sliding the classroom door open as he pulled him inside.

"Morinozuka-san, you're late—"

"M'sorry, Class Rep, I ran into Suoh-sempai in the hall and he asked me to get Yuu-san here settled into class."

It started with a simple "Who's the new guy?" in a hushed tone towards the back of the room. Then it was a wave of whispers. It caught each person one-by-one as they did not attempt to hide their under-the-breath chuckles and giggles. An ocean of eyes, glazed over with hungry curiosity, stared at him as though he was an isolated sheep in a room full of wolves.

"So that's the rumored little brother?"

Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, Yuu glanced down to avoid eye contact. He bit his lower lip to give himself something to focus on, trying to pretend their inquisitive eyes _weren't_ interrogating him.

"Why would he never talk about him?"

A bead of sweat formed along his temple as he crossed one arm to hold the other at the elbow. Blue-violet eyes scanned the students in an attempt to find some sort of anchor in their sea of never-ending curiosity. A sea he was thrown into, full force, with no life vest. And he suddenly couldn't remember how to swim.

"Are you really Tamaki-sama's brother?"

Yuu decided looking up was a terrible idea as he allowed dark bangs to fall over his eyes. He shoved his free hand into his pocket, toying with a crumpled-up gum wrapper to keep himself busy.

"Why did you move to Japan?"

"I, uh—" He was trapped between four claustrophobic walls and a river of students. Everything grew closer. Closer. Closer. Whispers echoed. Questions tackled him one-by-one. Anxiety's invisible hands crushed his chest from the inside out.

Too many questions.

Too many people.

Panic latched around his neck, digging rotten claws into his throat and stealing his words before they could escape.

"Hey now—" A voice he'd heard not long before. "—The poor guy just got here. Let him breathe a little."

Yuu would have to personally thank Satoshi later.

"Morinozuka-san is right. Homeroom is beginning now." Class Rep's turn for attention. "You can all get to know our transfer student over lunch."

* * *

_1 October 2007_

Turn off water. Dry hands. Leave the bathroom. Avoid every single person from his class.

It sounded easy enough.

With a sigh, Yuu pushed the door open using his elbow. The hallways were quite—a lot emptier than it was when he hid in the bathroom stall. Only a few students were lagging and, thankfully, not a single one of them were from class 1-A.

The lunchroom wasn't that far—he could hear the chatter from down the hall—but avoiding his classmate's never-ending questions was still at the top of his to-do list if he planned on surviving the rest of the day.

Maybe he could find a library nearby or something. A quiet place sure did sound amazing.

"Hey, Yuukou-san."

Damn, he had almost escaped disaster.

The said teen closed his eyes for a moment, drawing his lips into a thin line as he exhaled through his nose. As he opened his eyes, he was met with the sight of short, slightly messy, brown hair and a stupid periwinkle blazer.

"It's just Yuu." He gave her a quick glance over. In all honesty, if he hadn't met her two days ago, he would have assumed she was just a feminine boy. She was rather pale and several inches shorter than him, maybe even half a foot but who could say. Give or take a few feminine features, she had the appearance of the typical male student.

"Hello, Yuu-san." She gave a small nod. "We never got to properly introduce ourselves the other day. Satoshi-san mentioned you didn't go to the lunchroom, so I thought I'd come find you,"

The first year leaned one shoulder against the wall beside him, crossing his arms. "It's nice to meet you, I guess."

"Ditto."

From what he had gathered the other day at the mall, Yuu didn't peg Haruhi to be the intrusive type. The few conversations he had with her seemed natural actually. They flowed easily and just had a calming aura to them. But something about this encounter didn't feel as relaxed.

He could be wrong, but it was almost as if someone else had given her the idea or—

"Tamaki sent you, didn't he?"

Haruhi bit down on her lower lip. She quickly scratched just below her nose with her index finger, confirming his suspicion. "How'd ya guess?"

It made perfect sense.

"Just a hunch." The dark-haired teen shrugged. "Speaking of Tamaki, I'm surprised he didn't hunt me down himself."

"He came to the lunchroom to find you actually." The brunette paused, then laughed. "But he got stuck there."

Yuu raised an eyebrow, uncrossing one arm. "Do I even want to know?"

She smiled before quickly covering it with her hand and shaking her head.

"I don't know, maybe I do want to know what _mon frère _did to get his hands tied this time," Yuu said.

There was a moment before Haruhi could respond without laughing. "Just a Tamaki-sempai thing. The usual. He's always doing something."

Yuu nodded, the corner of his lips etching upward. "Yeah, that sounds like him."

Another pause. Yuu took this time to take in the hallway. He'd kept his head down the entire walk to the classroom, avoiding unnecessary eye-contact.

The walls were a light shade of salmon, a golden trim lining them with fancy light fixtures hanging from the walls to brighten the hallway. The floor was a dark cherry hue, each tile polished to perfection. The ceiling was a mixture of a medium pink and white, a pristine design carved diligently into the cream-colored tiles.

Haruhi spoke up. "Sempai is probably wondering where we're at. If we're gone too much longer, he may lose his head or something. We should probably get to the lunchroom."

Yuu gave a quick laugh that probably sounded a little rude. "I'll pass. You can go on though. Tell Aki I went to the bathroom or something."

If the brunette noticed the nickname, she didn't comment on it. "I get it. You're not much of a people person, are you?"

"Not really. No." Blue-violet irises scanned along the salmon-hued walls as he avoided eye-contact.

"Don't worry, I'm not much of the lunchroom type either. Too much of a hassle with all these damn rich people." She paused briefly before continuing, "So the other day... what was that?" She took a bite of some kind of candy bar Yuu didn't notice her grab, chewed and swallowed. "You _really_ looked like you didn't want to be there—wait. Let me guess, Sempai made you go?"

"You could say that..." He proceeded to pick at the skin around his fingernails as he averted his gaze. "He's always been that way though. I don't think he realizes social situations aren't my forte."

Haruhi seemed to notice his uneasiness and changed the subject. "How long until Tamaki-sempai realizes how long it's been and comes charging?"

Yuu laughed. "Five-hundred yen says it's ten minutes and potentially embarrassing."

"Five minutes and Hikaru and Kaoru instigate it."

"You're on." The taller teen extended his hand towards the other, which she took with a firm shake to make it an official bet.

She took another bite of her candy bar—no, wait, it was a granola bar.

They waited. Quietly. Not quite comfortably. But it was better than anything else that day. Yuu's eyes were glued to a clock on the opposite wall, while Haruhi's attention was fixed on the rest of the granola bar in her hand. She was folding up the wrapper when they heard footsteps coming closer and closer, pounding louder and louder.

"No, Haruhi! You can't kiss him!"

The said brunette glanced at her wrist as if checking the watch she didn't have for the time. "Five minutes on the dot. You lose, pay up."

Yuu clenched his jaw as he bit the inside of his cheek, giving the blond an evil look.

Just as Tamaki arrived, he slipped on god knows what and slid down the hall with a girlish squeal.

"Potentially embarrassing." Yuu pointed. "I don't technically lose."

"Call it a draw?"

"It's a draw."

Yuu could already tell he had made a good choice in a friend.

* * *

**Translation:** _fr__è__re_ (brother), _mon fr__è__re _(my brother)

_**Teaser: It's time to see the Host Club in action! But is it really something Yuu can handle?**_


	4. Chapter Four

**disclaimer:** I do not own _Ouran High School Host Club._

**trigger warning: full-blown panic attack**

* * *

**Chapter Four | Anxiety's Rotten Hands**

_1 October 2007_

Tamaki was more than confusing. He was the human version of a headache.

There was no way in hell that Tamaki and Haruhi were blood relatives, yet he continued to insist that he was her father. Even after she shot him down multiple times. He was persistent about it. Yuu couldn't figure out why. There wasn't even enough of an age gap between them for that to be physically possible.

Tamaki wasn't a human headache; he was a persistent migraine.

Yuu had only been in their club room for twenty minutes and he was already done with their shit.  
Propping a hand on his cheek in boredom, Yuu raised an eyebrow at the ongoing scene. Tamaki was yelling the twins for hugging Haruhi as they laugh and call him a pervert. And Haruhi had no choice but to accept her fate and glare at both parties involved.

"Leave my precious daughter alone, you no-good shady twins—"

The twins responded by each resting an elbow on the brunette's shoulders, leaning on her, which resulted in Tamaki yelling even more.

Yuu glanced over at Kyouya, watching as the raven-haired's eyebrow twitched—there was no way he would put it past his brother for something like this to be a daily occurrence. He didn't get a very cooperative vibe from Kyouya, so asking him what was going on seemed utterly pointless.

Maybe the brunette in question would prove more helpful.

"Hey, Haruhi?" Yuu somehow managed to gain all four of their attention as he spoke. "I have a question."

She nodded, signaling him to continue.

"What the fuck?"

"It's a long story—" Before she could finish her sentence, the blond cut her off.

"Yuukou! A gentleman must never speak with such distasteful language like that. Especially to a lady—"

Oh, shit.

With a roll of the eyes, Yuu slouched back in his chair, paying full attention to the spoon (he didn't remember picking up) twirling around his fingers. He had unleashed a beast—angry chihuahua—and he was _never_ going to hear the end.

_Note to self_, he thought, _censor mouth around older brother._

"Will you two stop it!" Kyouya said more as a statement than a question, gripping the pen in his hand tight enough his knuckles were turning white. "Our guests will be here any moment. We need to get into place."

"I'll take that as my cue to leave." Yuu stood, pushing his chair in before attempting to walk away.

Two steps and a blond suddenly in his path later, Yuu found himself sitting on the floor. He glared up at him as he spat, "Stop doing that!"

"Doing what?"

"Getting in my face, you weirdo," Yuu grumbled. "I swear, next time I'll deck you."

"You'll have to get off the floor first."

Yuu narrowed his eyes at Tamaki. It was as if the blond was challenging him, but in a weird way without admitting to the challenge in front of everyone. As if to say, "I'd like to see you try."

Tamaki's eyes were shining as he held a hand out to the younger teen. His expression did a complete one-eighty to one that scared the shit out of Yuu the moment he accepted Tamaki's hand. Within seconds, he was yanked towards the middle of the goddamn room.

Yuu trained his attention on the smudge mark Tamaki's shoe left when he skidded to a halt. He let his dark hair fall over his face in an attempt to avoid eye contact.

He needed an excuse. Any kind of excuse. His head hurt. He wanted to finish decorating his room. A hippopotamus was swimming in the pool. Anything would work at this point. He was there for his brother, not his brother's damn friends. Now they were busy, so it seemed perfectly logical to leave, but Tamaki had other ideas. Several other ideas.

According to Tamaki, Yuu was to learn the ways of being a host, without becoming one—he had absolutely no choice in the matter.

He didn't want to be a host. He wanted to go home.

"Sempai." Tamaki's attention was directed away from Yuu as Haruhi spoke up. "It's obvious Yuukou-san wants to leave..."

"What?" Tamaki's voice rose approximately half an octave higher with the word. "Of course he wants to be here! He gets to spend time with all of us! Why wouldn't he want to stay—?!"

Yuu cut him off. "You never asked me if I wanted to stay..."

Blue-violet irises found themselves staring at the floor with fake interest, again, as he kicked at the tile, leaving scuff marks behind with his shoe.

But the silence was suffocating. He could practically hear the blood vessels in his ears pounding. The shift in the cushion on the couch as someone sat down. Footsteps as someone drew further away from him. Some kind of ruffling. Little noises that screamed so loud it was almost _deafening_.

"Wha—what?" Tamaki looked in his direction but looking his brother in the eye was the last damn thing he wanted to do right then. "I thought you loved meeting new people."

Three years ago, when the only thing he wanted to be was just like his brother.

"I, um—I'm not much of a people person..."

"But why?" The blond questioned. "You used to always want to hang out with my friends and me."

The gum wrapper still in his pocket from that morning held his attention as he fiddled with it, keeping his head down. He couldn't do it. He couldn't be there. He couldn't fucking focus with everyone's damn eyes glued on him like he was some kind of child's art project plastered on the refrigerator.

"Things have changed," he muttered. _He_ changed. The twelve-year-old kid his brother knew was not who he was anymore. "I just—I'm—" He took in a breath quickly before exhaling. "I have a hard time dealing with people."

"But Yuu..." Tamaki paused. He tried to look his brother in the eye, but the younger wouldn't even glance in his direction.

"We're different now, Tamaki," Yuu offered. "Things happen and people change."

If the blond didn't believe him, he gave no indication of it. Even so, Yuu knew the conversation was far from over.

Behind him, the door opened softly. Yuu made no attempt to hide the fact he was staring at the newcomers instead of paying any attention to his brother. The small blonde—Yuu immediately recognized him as Honey-sempai—offered a short apology for their tardiness but stopped as he seemingly realized he had interrupted an ongoing conversation. The taller one—obviously Mori-sempai—also muttered something Yuu assumed was an apology, but he couldn't quite hear the dark-haired teen.

"Stop pestering him, Sempai." Haruhi suddenly spoke up, gaining the room's attention again. "He just moved here, after all. You haven't seen him in what, _three years_? A lot can change in that matter of time. Just give him some space to breathe."

Tamaki was quiet for a moment but forced Yuu to look at him by running a hand along his cheek. "Do you really want to leave?" he asked.

There was a look in his eyes that told Yuu how much Tamaki had been looking forward to this all day. He wanted his clients to meet his brother face-to-face. He hasn't shut up about it. He wanted everyone to know him.

Did Yuu really want to disappoint his brother?

"I'm sure I'd just get lost in the halls again."

He'd rather do _anything_ else.

* * *

_1 October 2007_

"So, Yuukou-san, what made you decide to join the host club?"

_Wait—what?_ The dark-haired teen blinked twice. He never once told Tamaki he would agree to join the stupid club, nor did he even plan on it. Not in a million years would he consider it. He was only there because his idiot brother insisted on it and he was too stubborn to call for a ride home.

"Oh, no, I'm afraid you're mistaken." Tamaki gave her a smile that probably only he could pull off. "Yuu here is our _honorary_ guest."

Yuu's eyes narrowed slightly as his brows furrowed closer. He couldn't quite figure it out, but this Tamaki was completely different from the Tamaki he road to school with. He seemed more eccentric than normal. That described it decent enough. This Tamaki was almost princely as if he were portraying some kind of character. It was definitely unusual, to say the least.

There was a chorus of "_oooooh_"'s releasing from the three girls sitting around them.

One of them scooted closer to Yuu.

There was an unnerving look in her eyes that almost made him want to leave.

"Will he join, though?" she asked, cedar irises never once leaving him.

"Well, that's up to him. If Yuu decides he wants to join the club then he can, no one is going to push him into anything," Tamaki answered in that same charming tone he didn't understand.

It was a lie.

Yuu specifically remembered him saying: _"The club is a great place! Oh! I know! You can join the club! It's lots of fun, and we can spend more time together that way!"_

Also:_ "Oh! I have an idea! You should join the club! It's loads of fun, and we do lots of things together!" _while they were with the rest of the club at the store.

And even: _"You know what you should do, Yuu? You should join the club! Everyone loves you already!" _when they got home the other day.

And then there were the countless other times he (not so) casually brought it into a conversation.

The girl scooted closer to him again, and he noticed her subtly biting her lip as she twirled a strand of ebony hair around her finger.

A heavy feeling built in his chest as if a weight was pressing on it to prevent him from catching his breath. His lungs were starting to burn.

He tried to ignore it. He really did.

He had to focus on his breathing. That would help.

Breathe in.

"So, Yuu-san, what do you like to do for fun?"

Breathe out.

"How old are you?"

Breathe in.

"Is your hair naturally that color? Or are you a blond like Tamaki?"

Breathe out.

He lied; it wouldn't help.

Anxiety's rotten hands wrapped themselves around his neck so tightly it was restricting his airways—he knew that feeling all too well. And if he didn't get out of there soon, it was going to end horribly. But the air around him was already suffocating thick.

She moved closer again.

His vision began to tunnel as her face blurred.

They were only inches apart. She was close. She was too close.

"I, uh—" _Focus. Focus, Yuukou. Breathe..._ Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe. Breathe. One breath. Two breaths. Four breaths. Three breaths. In through his mouth, out through his nose—or was it the other way around.

Just breathe, goddammit. It was _not_ that hard.

_"Frère, tu es bien?"_

He couldn't hear Tamaki ask him if he was alright. Not over the pulsing rhythm in his ears and the storm trying to break through the cage in his chest. There was no stopping it. He had to get out of there. He rose from his seat with enough speed to cause a few heads to turn his way.

"Yuu-san, where are you going?" Someone was speaking, but he had no clue who.

His words were stolen from him—caught in the bile rising in his throat.

The building adrenaline dulled the pain across his shoulder blades as he slammed himself against the wall, both for support and an attempt to get away from the situation.

It was getting heavier. Heavier. _Heavier_. Until his legs grew too weak to hold up his body any longer as they buckled beneath him.

Maybe someone was still speaking to him. Maybe they weren't. He couldn't focus on anyone.

Breathe. Just fucking breathe.

Focus. Breathe. Focus. Breathe. Focus. Breathe—

The shaking didn't stop. It wouldn't. Everything was spinning. The walls were getting closer and closer and closer and—how were they even moving.

His knees pulled themselves to his chest and his arms wrapped around them. Maybe if he hugged them tight enough, the weight in his chest would be crushed away in his arms.

Footsteps drew near.

A voice. Deep. Raspy. Hazy. Words jumbling together. Maybe there was a question or two. Someone was speaking to him.

"...eathe... Yuu-san, breathe..."

Hours passed—or maybe it was only minutes, he had no fucking clue.

Breathing began to slow.

The room danced as his stomach twisted. A wave of nausea tackled him full force and it took every bit of concentration he had to keep his lunch from revisiting him.

"You alright?" His was deep—very deep. It had to be Mori-sempai.

He managed a nod. "Yea-yeah."

Mori waited a moment before asking, "Should I get Tamaki?"

He sealed his eyes shut as he shook his head. Tamaki was the last person on Earth who needed to witness an attack like that. He didn't need that added to his plate. "N-no."

Mori was concerned, Yuu knew that. Attacks like that take a lot out of someone. He still couldn't calm his breathing.

The taller teen sat down right beside the younger, tucking his legs underneath him as he leaned against the wall. Mori remained silent. His eyes weren't focused on Yuu, instead, they were staring straight ahead.

Mori didn't say anything. He didn't need to. Yuu closed his eyes and rested his head against the wall behind him, suddenly feeling much better than before.

* * *

**Translation:**_Frère, tu es bien? _(Brother, are you alright?)

**Teaser: A late night conversation with Tamaki? Yuu what were you thinking?**


	5. Chapter Five

**disclaimer: **I do not own _Ouran High School Host Club_.

* * *

**Chapter Five | Chipping Away at the Ice**

_15 October 2007_

Yuu wasn't Kyouya's biggest fan, and he was sure it was blatantly obvious. So, when Kyouya came up to him, seemingly unprompted, Yuu was certainly confused.

Kyouya pushed his glasses up his nose as he opened the black notebook in his hand, scanning over whatever was written in it—Yuu didn't care enough to be curious.

Raising an eyebrow, Yuu glanced up at the other. There was an unsettling look in Kyouya's eye, one that Yuu found quite unnerving.

"I've taken notice of the increase of clientele since your arrival," Kyouya explained intimidatingly. Yuu immediately looked down and scuffed his shoe against the cherry tile, leaving a dark mark behind. "The guests really seem to enjoy seeing you interact with Tamaki—they like that brotherly interaction."

"What are you getting at?" Yuu could barely find his voice; it's small, barely above a whisper—or at least it felt that way.

"You have an excellent academic record, Yuukou, plus you have a steadily increasing fan club—both qualities not to overlook when it comes to this club. I've concluded that you'd be the perfect final addition—"

Yuu couldn't listen to that anymore. "No."

He looked appalled by Yuu's response. "Excuse me?"

"No," Yuu said again, slightly louder than earlier but still not looking the upperclassmen in the eye. His posture was quite poor as he crossed one arm to hold the other. "I mean, I appreciate your offer, I-I really do Kyouya-sempai. I just—I don't think I'm rea-ready for club activities."

He didn't even want to be there in the first place.

"I see." He closed the notebook in his hand with a snap, causing Yuu to finally glance up. "But I'm sure you'll change your mind quick enough."

Yuu shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He glanced at the clock on the wall as if it could offer him any help—it was something to focus on. He feigned interest in one of the twins walking by. But even so, that didn't last long.

Kyouya didn't offer any relief. His eyes were dark, almost ominous. It wasn't even an I-hate-you kind of stare either; it was more like a do-what-I-say-or-I'm-taking-you-down stare.

"I've looked into your records, Yuukou. And you've piqued my interests," he said. "You've got quite a secret past, don't you? Very mysterious. Your medical records were very hard to gain access to, especially those private documents, such as those items from your old psychiatrist. Which, by the way, were very interesting."

Yuu took a step back, eyes widening and mouth falling open.

Kyouya knew.

Kyouya fucking _knew._

Everything.

To be honest, Yuu was having a hard time processing new information. He needed to sit down or lean against something for some kind of support.

He would forever have an issue with Kyouya.

"You're some kind of shadow king, aren't you?"

He raised an eyebrow towards Yuu. "In a way, yes. You can say that. But Tamaki calls the shots around here. After all, he is the president."

Tamaki.

That's right.

_Tamaki._

Kyouya couldn't force Yuu to join because he was not the president, only the vice president.

"Nice try, Kyouya-senpai, but you can't force me to join." Yuu could feel a confidence boost within his words; his posture straightened out and his eyes finally met the onyx-hued ones of the teen who had tried blackmailing him moments ago. "My brother is technically king. You may think you have control, but he can still veto your actions. I don't have to join because Tamaki already said it's my choice. And I said no."

Eyes battled for dominance—Yuu could practically see the passion burning in them. Kyouya's were like bloodstained daggers lusting for more bloodshed, whereas Yuu's were smoldering knives drenched in hatred. Neither side showed any sign of giving in.

Kyouya smirked. "You may have won this round, Yuukou. But trust me, the war is only just beginning."

This.

_This_ was the moment Yuu truly realized he loathed Kyouya Ootori.

* * *

_17 October 2007_

The clock above his bed continued a repetitive _ticking_ noise that was surprisingly soothing to listen to—it beat complete silence by a landslide. His legs hung off the edge of his bed as he had stretched himself across it, tapping his finger against the padding of his blanket in tune with the clock's ticking.

His guitar sat beside him on the bed. He'd be playing it on and off, his pick still in his hand as he fidgeted with it.

It had to be nearing midnight, so someone needed to explain to him why the hell somebody was knocking on his door again.

He sat up, announcing, "Tamaki, I swear to God, if that's you, I'm murdering you in your sleep."

The doorknob turned and the door opened. Tamaki's blond hair came into view, closing the door behind him. "Can I at least talk to you first?"

"That's debatable."

It wasn't a yes, but Tamaki obviously knew it wasn't a no either as he walked across the room and sat on Yuu's bed.

"How'd you know I was awake?" Yuu asked, twisting the bottom of his shirt.

"I could hear you playing." Tamaki nodded his head towards the guitar between them. "You still writing or just playing for fun?"

Yuu didn't answer the question. Instead, he closed the black leather journal next to him.

"I didn't mean to interrupt…" Tamaki said.

"I wasn't getting much writing done," Yuu sighed. "I should probably take a break."

Yuu dreaded the silence between them. He could practically hear the blood in the vessels of his ears. The shift on his bed as Tamaki crossed one leg over the other. The soft plucking of the strings on his guitar as Yuu found himself fidgeting with them for the noise—it was almost suffocating.

Tamaki was the first to speak "I remember when we were kids," he said, "back when we shared a room and you used to keep me up at night kicking my bunk because you couldn't sleep."

Yuu laughed at that. "Mom should've let me have the top bunk, honestly."

"Yeah, maybe then I would've gotten some sleep." Tamaki laughed. "You were always getting in trouble for it too."

"I was always getting into trouble anyway. You were the good one."

"Are you still a troublemaker?" Tamaki asked.

Yuu shook his head. "I ran track instead. Mom only agreed to it if I promised I wouldn't get into fights."

"You always were a troubled kid…" Tamaki trailed off for a moment. "From what I've seen in these few weeks, you've been getting along okay. I haven't heard of you getting into a fight or getting kicked out of class."

Yuu sat silently for a moment, then said: "I've tried really hard to turn myself around… for Mom. I'm not twelve anymore."

Tamaki shook his head. "No, you're not."

There was silence between them.

Then laughter.

It was contagious. First, Tamaki as the laughter rolled from his mouth. Yuu joined as he tried to hide it behind his hand. The sound seemed to echo off the walls. Tamaki's hands gripped at his sides as he lurched back and forth. Yuu, on the other hand threw his head back, tears starting to sting at the corner of his eyes.

"You look twelve with those braces," Tamaki said, laughter halting almost completely.

Yuu's laughter soon died down as well. "Did you just now notice?"

"No. I meant to ask last week, but with club duties, it slipped my mind until just now."

Yuu shot him a glance before answering. "It's been about two years now… I think? I'm supposed to get them off soon. But I'll have to get a new orthodontist for it and I'm kinda nervous about that."

"Ah" was all Tamaki said before they fell into silence again.

This time, it wasn't a nervous silence. Tamaki had finally begun chipping away at the ice—even if he hadn't broken it, he was making progress. The silence was almost comfortable. Almost.

"I miss this…" Tamaki started, a soft smile dancing on his lips. "Like old times, ya know. You, me, talking about stuff like it's the most important thing in the world."

Yuu didn't comment. He didn't need to. Tamaki knew exactly how he felt about it because Tamaki felt the same.

* * *

**Teaser: You've made it this far Yuu, don't you go around picking trouble with the Hitachiin brothers.**


End file.
